Friday, May 11, 2007

The Unexpected

11 days ago we found out we were pregnant. I was so happy. Our babies would be 18 months apart, just like we’d planned. I got to surprise Leif with the news and we were finally going to be a family of four.

Tuesday we found out the pregnancy was ectopic. We were going to lose our baby no matter what. Thankfully we found out before it ruptured. They gave me a couple shots of methotrexate to stop the pregnancy before it could rupture and I would need to go back for weekly blood tests over the next few weeks until my HCG levels are back to zero.

I know that our little baby was created by God for His glory. And I know that both the short life and the death of our baby will bring glory to God in His sovereignty. It’s not about me, and it’s not about Leif, and it’s not about our baby. It’s about God. We are here for His purpose and His glory. And I praise Him for that.

I am thankful that Eliana woke up with a 102.5 temperature that morning. I am thankful that I called the doctor on Monday to ask if I should be concerned about the little bit of spotting I’d had over the weekend. I am thankful for the cramping I had that convinced me to call, even though I was sure everything was okay. If Eliana hadn’t had a fever and been acting sick, I would have dropped her off at Taylor’s house and gone to the appointment alone. Instead, I made an appointment for her that afternoon and took her with me. If I hadn’t had her with me I wouldn’t have called Leif to see if I could drop her off at his office while I had blood drawn and a sonogram. She was whiny, so he didn’t think he would be able to get much work done, so he decided to come with me to the appointment, especially since we were having a sonogram and would get to see our little baby. I am thankful that she was whiny and fussy because it meant that Leif was with me when we found out about our baby. He was able to take Eliana to her appointment when I was still busy getting shots and meeting with the doctor. There was nothing wrong with Eliana. By the time she got in to see the doctor her fever was gone. Her throat was a little red, so they did a strep test, but it came back negative. There was nothing wrong with her, but I am so thankful she had a fever because I wasn’t alone that day.

On Wednesday morning I was in a lot of pain, so we went back to the doctor. They did another sonogram and discovered that the baby had grown a little, and that I was bleeding into my abdominal cavity. They ran some more blood tests and I went back home and waited for them to call with the results. When the doctor called with my results, she said she wasn't comfortable waiting to see if my body would reabsorb the pregnancy. She said that my body had a good chance of reabsorbtion if my HCG levels were below 5,000 and if the pregnancy were smaller than 3 cm. The pregnancy was bigger than that and my HCG levels were at 6,000, so they scheduled me for surgery for Wednesday night.

My surgery was delayed due to an emergency operation, but around midnight on Wednesday I finally got into the operating room. They were able to do the surgery laparascopically, which means that I have three tiny incisions instead of a large incision, and it means that I should be able to heal more quickly. They had to remove the tube containing the pregnancy, but said that everything went smoothly and that the other side looks good. My doctor said she didn't see any reason why we couldn't still have more children in the future, so that was good news. I am on bedrest recovering for the next two weeks, but thankfully we were able to fly my mom up on Thursday morning. She will be here for 12 days helping me take care of Eliana since I am not allowed to lift her. We are praying for a speedy recovery, but I am so thankful that my mom was able to come. It is another example of God's faithfulness is carrying us through hard times.

I believe that God is sovereign. And I believe that He does things for a reason – for His glory. I thank Him for the life of our little baby because it allowed me to see His hand at work yet again, and it is another reminder that He is in control. He knows the plans He has for us. For me, for Leif, for Eliana, and for the baby we will never get to meet. He has a purpose for each of us, and that purpose is to bring Him glory.

To God be the glory, great things He has done.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

our thoughts and prayers are with you, dear friends. - tam (for dave and baby seven, too)

nicole said...

Elizabeth, your description of the past days took me through a whirlwind of emotions - Of course, not even close to the joys and sorrows you have felt. I am so thankful so many pieces were able to come together to take care of you when you needed extra support. You will be in our prayers. Thank you for sharing.

Stephanie said...

Liz,

You have such a way with words. My heart hurts for you but I know you have your mind in the right perspective! You are in my constant prayers as you recover, both physically and emotionally.

Dana said...

I keep thinking of the "footprints" in the sand story... God has truly carried you through this and will continue to do so with His generous love and comfort. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Jenn said...

Our prayers are with you - knowing that is a roller coaster of emotions. It is amazing how God works all those "little" details out. I'm learning more and more that doing everything I can to avoid pain also means I miss out on some of God's sovereignty. He is Awesome! He has already and will again use this experience for His glory.

J said...

We are praying for you guys! Peace & love,

Michelle said...

I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and hope you have a speedy recovery. What a joy it is to know that someday you will get to meet that little one in heaven.

josh said...

I am in awe of the grace you have been given to handle this.....knowing myself, I could not in my own strength do that. God is good to all of us, your testimony is outstanding! Keep looking to Him, I echo the comment that said this will be used for something wonderful one day, and I'm sure it always has been. Hang in there Wicklands!!!!

Jaime said...

I've been out of the blogging world for a while, so I'm just now catching up on your blog. I'm so sorry for the pain (physical and emotional) you've been through. But, I'm amazed at your ability to give God glory in the midst of it. It's okay to cry while you still recognize God's soverignty.

Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing. It is neat to see how God worked out all the details in the midst of the unexpected.

Becca said...

Liz-
You've put such faith behind your words in sharing this experience, and I hope that you are able to bring light to someone else struggling with such a devastating loss. Thank you for sharing it with us.

I am praying for you and your precious family.

Susan said...

Liz,
I don't know what to say but the words of Psalm 23: "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..." there are times when it doesn't feel like He's caring for us, but He does because we are His. I'm glad that you have been able to see His hand in this, and I thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Hi! I have been away from babyfit for a bit and did not know you were going through this. I am sending you hugs and prayers from Wyo! :)
Babysorenson